It's Just Us, Baby
by SunSora20
Summary: Ichigo's soul has disappeared. Without him, Rukia has changed... for the worse. If Ichigo returns, he might not find the same girl he left behind. Ichiruki / IchigoxRukia rated T for swearing
1. Chapter 1

**It's Just us, baby **

**Hi it's Draya, and here's my first Ichiruki. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. **

_CHAPTER ONE-ICE_

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_ "If you gave someone your heart and they died, did they take it with them? Did you spend the rest of forever with a hole inside you that couldn't be filled?"_ – Jodi Picoult

The purest type of sunshine and sweetest sounding wind covered a grassy plain somewhere in the soul society like a blanket. Birds chirped a beautiful harmony to the wind's melody. A raven-haired Shinigami sat in the center of this peaceful plain, surrounded by laughing children. The sun warmed her skin, and the wind tossed her hair about gently. The scene could not have been more tranquil. Yet it made Rukia Kuichiki sick to her stomach. The children she would ordinarily be happy to teach now seemed like a bunch of ungrateful brats. She knew everyone thought her manner was colder, more focused, but she had long since given up on outward appearances. She did what she had to, and that was it. Her facial expressions? Stoic. She acted snappy to everyone, even Renji. Everyone knew that all this started the day _that_ event happened. After that day, Rukia was never quite the same again. The changes happened slowly, at first. She thought she was strong enough to function, even without him. Boy, was she wrong. And she learned that a few months later.

"Rukia! Rukia! Look what I found!" A child around the age of six, a new soul, came up to her holding a butterfly proudly. _Stupid brat. He doesn't even know how lucky he is._ She thought darkly. Then she auto corrected herself. _It's not his fault. Calm down, Rukia, calm down._ This happened a lot to her now. Almost all the time, really.

"Oh? Do you know what type of butterfly that is, Aaymaru-kun?" She asked a weary smile plastered on her face.

"Unuh." The little boy shook his head and looked up at her with the most adorable smile. She couldn't find the child cute though.

Because the child was smiling while Ichigo Kurosaki would never again.

For the hundredth time that day, she wondered why a freak accident had to happen to Ichigo of all people. He had risked everything for other people, but the universe supplied him with the worst karma it could find.

"This butterfly is a hell butterfly, you can tell by its pitch black markings." She was unable to keep her usual annoyed tone out of her voice. She couldn't do this anymore. Renji had found her this job out of kindness, but all she really wanted was to be left alone. Well, that was the second thing she really wanted… What she truly wanted was lost forever.

"I'm sorry… I have to go…" The children all moaned in protest.

"But, Rukia-nee, why do you have to go?"

"I-I…" What would she say to that? Why was it she couldn't move on? Everyone else had. She wasn't in a relationship with Ichigo, they were just friends… So why? Why did her heart ache long after everyone else's had stopped? She had a feeling if she tried to answer that, she would only hurt herself further.

"Yeah, why, Rukia?" Surrounded by children, all calling her name, she felt totally helpless. Finally, she simply gave up and shunpoed away. _Like a coward. That's what I am. They wouldn't let me look for him… I was supposed to go get him… I failed him… _A single tear slid down her cheek. It had been almost a year since Ichigo had died.

It was raining the day he was hit. At first, Rukia found it kinda funny that the great hero would fall prey to a simple ambulance. She laughed out loud when she realized the irony of it. The soul society sent her to retrieve him, and she was more than happy to do it. However, when she got there, she couldn't find his soul. She found his dead body easily enough, but his soul was nowhere to be found. She searched for hours. When she realized he was not in that plane of existence, she returned to the soul society to see if he had passed her somehow. He wasn't there either. The soul society launched a full-scale search. Weeks later, there was still no sign of Ichigo's powerful Reiatsu. They categorized him as dead. It was then that Rukia began to fall apart. This time was different from Kaien for some reason.

"Rukia…" Renji appeared behind her in a flash of shunpo.

"What is it Renji?" She knew she shouldn't be mad at him that would be unfair of her. Still, she couldn't stop an annoyed felling bubbling up in her.

"I'm just gonna come out and say it. You're not okay. You need to accept… You need to accept he's never coming back. I don't want to hurt you, but t-this, this half alive Rukia scares me."

"What do you want me to do, Renji? I'm sorry, okay?"

"I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to…"

"What? What can I possibly do Renji? I don't remember what my life was before I met him. I can't go back to being that way… Trust me, I've tried."

"No, I want you to go out, talk to some people. Maybe you should accept a mission from Ukitake." _Ripping some hollows apart sounds good right now actually. _

"O-okay. Maybe I will…" She whispered thoughtfully.

"Good." In another flash, he was gone.

* * *

Rukia was glad she had got that mission from Ukitake. Killing hollows helped keep her mind off… other things. The only downside was she was traveling in a group of two girls, a brunette, and a blonde. It wasn't so bad, until they started talking to each other in between killing hollows.

"Yeah, I heard he had orange hair because his father did experiments one him when he was a baby." That comment pissed Rukia off, but she hid her anger.

"What? That doesn't make any sense. I just hope they find him soon. He saved us and everything." The brunette said.

"I know, when he comes back and becomes a captain I'll feel way safer." The other girl murmured her agreement. Rukia felt her anger build. She couldn't understand why these girls insisted on talking about the one person she really just wanted to forget.

"Ichigo Kurosaki is dead." She said in a monotone voice. Both girls shut up after that. They could sense their superior's quiet anger. Rukia had become known as the soul society's ice princess in the past eleven months. Yes. That meant Ichigo had been known as dead for almost a year. At first Rukia had refused to believe it. Most of soul society refused to believe it. After months, and months of no signs, she had slowly accepted that he was indeed dead. It pissed her off that anyone would even try to get her hopes up again. She knew now that any hope would only get crushed later.

"S-sorry Rukia sou-taicho." The blonde lowered her head and fell silent.

"But Rukia, haven't you heard? They found traces of Ichigo's spiritual pressure in Hueco Mundo." For a split second Rukia's heart lifted. Then she quickly shook any thoughts of such silly things. _He's dead. DEAD It's been months, and months, and months, and- but what if, what if- No. I have to accept it. He's gone. Why else would my soul hurt so much? He has to be dead. _

"Where exactly did you find this information? It's probably a lie. Or a cruel joke. I can assure you, Ichigo Kurosaki is dead; He would be standing right in front of me if he were alive. It's been months. Obviously he's not coming back." With that Rukia turned on her heel and ran away to find more hollows. Unfortunately, she found exactly what she was looking for.

A hollow that looked suspiciously like an arrancar was waiting for her. "Hello dearie, are you lost?" It's sickly sweet voice scares Rukia for some reason. It's cockiness leads her to believe it might actually posses some skill. The sword hanging at its waist confirms it's an arrancar.

"Tsuki no mai, shikshiro!" With a swing of her beautiful sword, it was over. The creature was only showing off. It was terribly weak. Just as she was about to leave, a powerful reiatsu forced her to her knees. _What… what is this? _The spiritual energy was definitely hollow… but it resembled an espada's. NOT a small fry then. Rukia tried to get to her feet, but found it was impossible. A new reiatsu joined the other one. It was just as powerful, perhaps more so, but that's not what cause Rukia to look up in shock. No, the reiatsu… was so familiar… She'd know it anywhere.

"Impossible…" She breathed. The Espada level hollow flew toward her and swung its sword at an alarming speed. The sword never made contact though. Instead of seeing a sword inches from her face, she saw a brilliant orange mop of hair. I that moment, a thousand emotions filled her heart up. The strongest, being hope. "Ichigo…" He didn't turn at the sound of his name; instead he fired a getsuga tensho from his sword. Which wasn't even in Bankai. Never the less, the beam destroyed the hollow with ease. With out turning around Ichigo muttered under his breath,

"Rukia…" Suddenly Rukia was mad. As in pissed. What right did he have, disappearing, making her think he was dead, and then appearing out of nowhere and saying her name like _he_ missed her? It pissed her off. What pissed her off more? She couldn't even be mad at him because she was so happy he was alive.

Instead of hugging him, thanking the heaven's he was alive, and cursing him like she really wanted too, she gave him a hard bop on the head.

"Took you long enough to show up." She smiled, just because she could, she finally could, because he had finally returned to her.

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**There will be more to this. This was only the beginning, and I hope to improve, so constructive criticism is greatly appreciated ^^ **


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm sorry for the rather long wait; updates will be quicker from now on. Before I was finishing off a different story, but it's done now, so I should be able to focus on this story now. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

_CHAPTER 2- MEMORY LANE_

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_What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want. ~Mignon McLaughlin_

"Rukia… please just-" The soul reaper looked at her sadly. His gaze seemed empty somehow. Or maybe that was just how Rukia saw everyone nowadays. What was she expecting? For him to throw his arms around her and whisper sweet nothing's into her ear? She was smarter than that. She thought she was smarter than that at least.

"What? What is it Ichigo?" Why did her voice still sound so brash? He was home, all was good. Then why was this nagging feeling still pulling at her insides?

"I'm not… staying." Rukia knew it must have pained him to say that. She also knew that whatever he was feeling could not be compared to her rage. A scream paused at the edge of her throat. She spit out a quiet:

"No." Ichigo's expression hardened.

"Rukia, I can't stay! I have to-" Always the hard head, always unwilling to give up. It was his greatest strength, and yet it pissed Rukia off. Her tiny fingers tightened into fists as he went on. "I know you want me to stay in soul society, but I can't, I have duties elsewhere," Duties, duties, duties. Rukia was tired of it. Years and years she had done her _duty_ she had put work first. When all she wanted to do was run away, she killed the man she was… what? In love with? Thought's of spikey brown hair and blue/green eye's filled Rukia's mind for a millisecond. She interrupted Ichigo mid sentence.

"What duties are so terribly important you couldn't spare me a visit? What was so darn important you didn't think to tell me you were ALIVE?!" He backed away, obviously more than a little startled by her outburst. Rukia was shaking all over. Her hands were straight at her sides by now, but her hands were shaking intensely. Ichigo stared at her for a while, before rubbing his temple with his long fingers. He seemed to decide something, and turned to her with an expression she definitely recognized. It said, I'm going to through with this, although I might get mauled in the process.

"Rukia, I know you might hate me for saying this," Hate him? _Hate _him? She wished she could hate him. "But I'm just gonna could come out and say it."

"Spit it out." What Rukia really wanted to say was ask if he had thought of her at all during the year they were apart.

"I've decided to become the soul society's insurance." She blinked. That was it? What did that even mean?

"Maybe you should start at the beginning." She said, raising an eyebrow. His hand left his forehead and ran through his messy hair.

"Good thinking midget." An icy hand grabbed Rukia's heart. He only had to say one thing, and her whole self shattered. Any sort of normalcy that remained between them was definitely gone when she fell to her knees' and grabbed the bottom of his robes, a shaky smile on her face and tears streaming down her face.

"You're really home."

"Rukia, that's what I'm trying to explain, why I can't stay." Rukia looked up at him, angry.

"Why?!' She didn't understand. She couldn't think of a single reason why he couldn't stay.

"Let me explain already!" Rukia got to her feet, and held her breath, desperately needing to know why he didn't come home to h- the soul society. Ichigo's face looked far away. Obviously he was somewhere else, probably remembering the past year. "Okay… the beginning…" His face scrunched into a grimace and he recalled how it all started.

* * *

_Ichigo was walking home from school as he always did. His backpack slung over one shoulder, substitute badge tucked in his pocket. Life was good. Life was, normal. He spotted a hollow across the street. Without thinking (like usual) he pressed his badge to his chest, and ran over to the hollow in shinigami form. A small child's soul was cowering under a bench, and Ichigo made sure to make quick work of the hollow so he could perform konso. He finished quickly, and walked away, just another job well done. When he got back to his body, it wasn't where he left it. It wasn't even _how_ he left it. It was splattered all over the street, an ambulance already waiting beside. With a sense a dread he tried to re-enter his body. He knew it was a feeble attempt. He was definitely dead. He inspected the scene closer. Blood was all over the wheels of the ambulance… and that meant… Ichigo chuckled darkly. Of course, great war hero, taken down by an ambulance of all things. He must have seen the hollow while he was crossing the street and left his body lying there. _I'm an idiot, and so is that driver._ He thought, the ghost of a smile on his lips. He was pretty sure the right thing to do was go to the soul society, and he probably could do that by himself… maybe he could surprise Rukia. That in mind, he shunpoed over to Urahara's. _

_ When he got there, Kisuke was already waiting for him, like usual. "Ah, Ichigo! So very ironic of you. I thought ambulances were supposed to save people?" Jinta laughed out right at Urahara's tasteless joke._

_ "Ha, ha, very funny. I need to use the senkaimon." Ichigo grumbled. Urahara titled his hat to cover his face._

_ "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He had that serious tone to his voice that Ichigo didn't like. _

_ "What?"Ichigo had a feeling he didn't want to hear this. _

_ "This might sound strange at first, but hear me out. I want to ask you a favor. No, I want you to change your whole… life for what I think is for the good of the world." Ichigo wondered when he wouldn't have to do something for the good of the world. "I really shouldn't ask this of you. But unfortunately, you're the only one I can ask." Ichigo idly wondered whom he had to fight now. _What_ he had to fight was probably a better question. "I don't think you get it." Urahara said in the most serious tone Ichigo had ever heard him use. _

_ "What? Do I have to fight some hollow warlord or something? Can't I see everyone first?" He really didn't get what Kisuke was getting at. _

_ "Ichigo, you can't return to soul society."_

_ "Fine, I'll kill the thing first." _

_ "No, if you agree to do this for… the world, you can never, ever see any of the captains, or vice captains, again." _

_ "Why the hell not?" At this point Ichigo was dying to know what this 'favor' was. _

_ "Because I'm going to ask you to become insurance." Ichigo wasn't sure if Urahara thought this would help or not, but it really didn't. _

_ "What the hell Kisuke? Stop going on and on, and just tell me already!" _

_ "Okay. I'm going to explain this as clearly as possible. Do you remember how Aizen almost destroyed the soul society?"_

_ "Of course, with the hogyoku. I was there."_

_ "No, no, not that. In order to even obtain the hogyoku, he killed all of Central forty-six."_

_ "Oh yeah… wasn't that so he could get Rukia killed with the sokyoku?" Urahara nodded. "Damn bastard." Ichigo muttered. _

_ "Anyway, the point is Aizen infiltrated the soul society, and almost destroyed it from the inside. He literally used everyone there for his own needs." _

_ "I know that Kisuke, but what does he have to do with anything? He's already in jail, we're already done with him, right?" Ichigo wasn't a religious person, but he prayed he would never have to fight that crazy man again. He was almost as bad as Kenpachi. _

_ "Yes, thanks to you, he won't be causing trouble ever again." Ichigo sighed in relief. "That only proves the point I'm about to make further. The soul society only won that time because of you. If you hadn't 'stormed the castle' they would have been none the wiser about Aizen."_

_ "I guess but you helped-."_

_ "Let me finish. How do we know someone like Aizen won't pop up again? Someone who only an outsider could guess was up to something? The soul society needs someone on the outside, who can see how the soul society's actions affect the outside world. I would do it, but I'm not strong enough. You're the only person who I know is capable of taking out half of soul society single handed."_

_ "You don't know that!" Ichigo huffed._

_ "You've already done it once. Or did you forget about that little rescue mission?"_

_ "I wasn't on my own that time."_

_ "True, but you've grown much stronger since then." Ichigo stared at the ground. He didn't want to face it. He could just refuse Urahara's request, but he knew he wouldn't. For a long time he had felt responsible for the people he loved. As his power grew, he found he had started to feel like he had to protect more, and more people. Somewhere along the way, he wasn't exactly sure when, he had started to feel responsible for the whole world. Rukia had changed him into a true soul reaper, just as she planned from the very start. That's why he knew if the world needed him, he'd be there. "Another reason you're perfect for the job is the circumstances right now."_

_ "Huh? What do you mean?" _

_ "Think about it. It couldn't be a better opportunity. Everyone thinks you're dead! Well, you are dead. But no one knows where you're soul is. If they never find you, they'll assume your soul was eaten by a hollow or simply never appeared. It happens sometimes."_

_ "You'll know." Ichigo retorted. _

_ "Not if my memories get erased with some new Kido."_

_ "Yeah, good idea. Erase your own memories." Ichigo knew Kisuke was a little… bonkers, but this was insane, even for him._

_ "Nooo. I'm not going to erase my memories." Urahara smirked. "You are." _

_ "I can't perform Kido! I've never tried it! Not even once!" Urahara was that insane after all. _

_ "Who says you can't learn?" Urahara said with another grin. _

_ "I DO!" He was getting tired of Kisuke's crazy plans. _

_ "You just told me you've never tried it." Kisuke murmured, unfolding his fan with a snap. _

_ "Yeah, but where will I live?" KIsuke's amused expression disappeared._

_ "You'll have to live in a gigai for the most part. Just think of it as a second chance at life. You're life was cut pretty short."_

_ "Then how will I be 'insurance' if I don't know what's happening within the soul society?" _

_ "You can make rounds, a little checkup every once in awhile. Your main job would be observing how the soul society's actions affect the real world, make sure they don't make choices that will affect the living world, and/or spirit world negatively."_

_ "This is… a lot to… decide on…" Ichigo didn't know why he was hesitating. He knew what his answer was. Hell, he knew what his answer would be when Kisuke said, 'for the good of the world.' _

_ "I understand if you want some time, but you can't let the soul society know of your whereabouts if you are going to accept." _

_ "Honestly, I don't need time. Although I do want it, but I know what my answer is, and I'm sure you know what it is too." KIsuke didn't say a word. "Yes. I'll do it. To insure the soul society doesn't use the power it has wrongly, I will be your 'insurance'." Kisuke did not smile like Ichigo expected him too._

_ "I wish I didn't have to ask this of you." Kisuke muttered. _

_ "Don't worry, I'm used to it." Ichigo joked in attempt to lighten the mood. It didn't affect KIsuke one bit. _

_ "This is not the same. You'll have to travel around the world in a gigai to avoid detection." He warned. _

_ "I know already. You're gonna have to teach me Kido at some poin-." Ichigo never got to finish. Unheard by Urahara, creepy unnatural laughter was ringing in Ichigo's head. Black clouded his vision and he passed out._

* * *

Ichigo blinked, returning to the real world again.

"Sooo?" Rukia glared at him, and tapped her foot impatiently.

"It's hard to explain, and I can't really tell you the details… but no one can know I'm alive." Ichigo sensed another soul reaper's Reiatsu. "I have to go! Bye-."

"Oh hell no! I'm coming with you dammit!"

"Rukia, no one can know-."

"Well if I'm with you, I won't be able to tell anyone about this 'top secret' mission of yours, will I?" Ichigo opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again. Without saying anything, he shunpoed away, and Rukia followed closely behind him.

One of the girls on the mission with Rukia found herself alone in a large battleground. It was obvious Rukia-fuku taicho had fought someone, and that another large battle had occurred as well. The magnitude of the crater's in the ground told the girl that much at least. What the girl wanted to know, however, was where Rukia had gone. "I thought I just felt her Reiatsu around here…" The girl muttered to the empty air. 

* * *

**Criticism is always welcomed, and reviews are great motivation to write the next chapter ^^ **


	3. Chapter 3

**Well this update was fast, was it not? :D I'm sad to say the next update might take till next week… but hopefully not.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. But I love it.**

CHAPTER 3- FAMILY

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_"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." – Leo Tolstoy _

Rukia rolled over for the thousandth time that night. She didn't understand. She didn't get why Ichigo always insisted on taking the hard road. Really, why couldn't she go with him? She didn't understand why this whole 'plan' had to be hatched.

_Roll._

Couldn't they just tell the soul society they were going to go somewhere to do… something? She still hadn't been told the something part. Living in Byakuya's home had always felt like a privilege to her… until now. Now she felt like she was caged in on all sides. The bedroom she had slept in for most of her death seemed alien to her.

_Roll._

There was no way she could sleep right now. She knew she needed her rest for the plan tomorrow, but she also knew she wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon. With an exasperated sigh she rolled out of bed and slipped her slippers on. Chappy, of course. She made her way to the garden as quietly as possible. Instead of sitting on a bench, as she normally would, in a burst of serenity, she sat down in the center of a patch of lilies. She allowed her fingers to brush across their beautiful petals. A small smile played on the edges of her mouth.

"Rukia?" A voice whispered in the darkness. She whipped around. If Byakuya caught her sitting _in_ the garden… he would have her head.

"Oh its you Renji." She breathed a silent breath of relief.

"Yeah… Rukia did something happen?"

"No… why? Is something wrong?" She prayed he hadn't seen her Ichigo. Though she didn't know why, she knew Ichigo wanted to be 'dead' or at least to the soul society.

"No, well, yes, you… you were smiling just now. I haven't seen you smile in forever." Rukia knew what forever meant. Renji meant 'not since he died.' No one dared say that around her anymore.

"Maybe you just weren't looking at the right times." She said with her tongue out. Renji's eyes widened. Somehow, he had his Rukia back. She wasn't really his, and he knew that. Everyone knew she belonged to someone else. He didn't really care why she was so happy, he was happy because she was, but he was curious.

"Seriously, what happened?" He asked incredulously.

"I dunno. I just… realized that…" She had no idea what to say. 'I realized that Ichigo is actually alive.' She had sworn to keep it a secret! "Well, lets not talk about the past! So how long until you're a captain?" She joked nervously.

"Heh. There isn't really an open position right now. Of course, with Ukitake's condition the way it is now, I don't know… I might have a shot."

"What do you mean? Ukitake… is worse?" Renji gave her a pitying glance.

"Yeah… I guess you've been a little out of it this past… year." Rukia tried to feel horrible for not realizing her own captain's condition. Her thoughts were filled with self hate, but her heart found its self somewhere else, with someone else. Renji decided to change the subject. He had the old Rukia back, and he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could, before this random good mood of hers got up and went back to the hole it had been hiding in for the past year.

"Rukia I have to tell you about what Hisagi did the other day. He was drunk off his hind,"

"No surprise there." Rukia said with a laugh.

"Yeah, no kidding." Renji agreed, and began to laugh as well. "Well anyway, he gets out of the bar and hits on every girl standing outside. EVERY ONE! Right in front of them all too! We ended up leaving him there alone, it was just too embarrassing."

"Nice friends you are." Rukia muttered, still smiling.

"I know, I know. But wait, there's more. So the next day, he comes to my house and begs me to hide him. I think he was on the brink of tears! When I ask him what's wrong, he tells me he slept with some random girl… in Byakuya's bedroom!" Rukia's jaw drops.

"How did he even get in there?!"

"He was reaaally hammered. I don't even want to know. I don't think he knows." The two friends laughed together for a while. The whole time Renji couldn't stop thinking how it was a miracle Rukia was Rukia again. When she was… depressed, she kept using the excuse that nobody understood her, so why talk about it at all? Renji was never brave enough to say it, but he did know what she was talking about. He had lost his best friend too, for forty years. During those years, he thought she was lost to him forever, because they were of different classes. So he did understand, even if only a little bit. Rukia was thinking how nice it was to be able to just sit and talk with her longest friend, and enjoy their time spent together like she used to. She was also thinking that now she could smile again, she really didn't want to leave all this behind.

* * *

Ichigo had been shocked that Rukia was willing to do this for him. Give up… her world, so he wouldn't be alone. That was how she put it, anyway. 'Ichigo, you can't do all this by yourself, that's not fair. I'm coming with you if you want me to or not.' Ichigo shook his head as he recalled their last moments together. He had felt like he was half empty when he was in Hueco Mundo. He thought he knew what it was now. Just seeing her again made his task seem possible. Before… before he felt like he was chasing a life full of pain and solitude. Which was probably true. He gulped. He had arrived in the world of the living. Now came the hard part. Talking to… His family. He knew it was silly, but he was terrified they would all hate him for pretending he was dead. He just kept seeing his sisters screaming at him and telling him he was a horrible person for breaking their hearts again. He could do nothing but stand in front of his own front door. It felt like he had lived here in another lifetime. He heard the knob turning. He was being very careful to hide his Reiatsu, (A handy trick he had finally picked up on a while back) so there was no way someone could have sensed him. He made up his mind to walk toward the door, but instead ran across the street and hid behind a thick oak tree.

He watched with rapt attention as his father sat in a lawn chair on the porch and lit a cigarette. Ichigo knew he was responsible for that. His father's gaze swept across The street without really seeing it. Until his eyes narrowed and he focused on the tree Ichigo was hiding behind.

"Hello? I know you're hiding there. Just come out." Ichigo couldn't move. His father was talking to him after a year away. His father didn't know he was talking to his son, but Ichigo wasn't really thinking about that then. Isshin started to walk towards Ichigo and his tree. Isshin was about halfway across the road when Ichigo finally built up the guts to show himself. He stepped out from behind the tree.

Isshin's cigarette dropped to the street and let out a final puff of smoke. Before Ichigo could say a word, he was in his father's arms.

"Dad…" He whispered, seemingly frozen once again.

"My son, my son is home." Isshin murmured into Ichigo's shinigami uniform. Ichigo waited for a punch to the face or a knee to the groin. But neither ever came. His father simply hugged him. Ichigo half wished his father would hit him a few times. He certainly deserved it. Now that his father was so happy he was alive, he couldn't ignore a huge pile of guilt. He heard a quiet sniffle and realized his father was crying on him. Which only made him feel worse.

"Don't you want to kn-."

"It doesn't matter." Isshin said, cutting him off. With his father's arms around his shoulders, he walked into his house. The real nightmare would start here. If his father had taken up smoking again he was so depressed, he didn't want to see what he had done to his own sisters.

"Girls, I have some thing I want to show you down here!" Isshin called up the stairs.

"Coming Dad!" Two voices called back in unison. Ichigo's stomach was doing backflips. He wanted to see them so bad he could taste it, but at the same time, he wondered if it was worth it, considering he was going to leave soon, and break their hearts all over again. Two sets of footsteps made their way downstairs. It was too late for Ichigo to back down now.

"What is it Dad?" Karin asked tiredly. Then she caught sight of Ichigo. Her legs wobbled as she ran toward him. She didn't pause to hug him either. Yuzu quickly joined her and they both shouted, "Ichi-nee!" Whilst crying. Yes, _Karin_ was crying. Balling to be exact. Seeing his sisters… It was like entering heaven and hell at the same time. His fingers curled around them protectively and he leaned down to hug them closer. He let more than a few tears fall as well.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" He said over and over, unable to stop. His father soon joined the hug, wrapping his long arms around everyone. Ichigo then started to realized just how much of a fool he was. When his mother was alive, she was the center of their family. He had thought after she died their family was just sort of floating, with nothing holding them down. But somewhere along the years, without him even noticing, _he_ had become the center. But he was a stupid jerk who took the center away, and destroyed his own family. He could have come back sooner. He could have gone home first, instead of thinking of getting to the soul society, of getting to Rukia. He could have left Hueco Mundo and at least told them he was alive before he went back to fixing his own problems.

"It's okay Ichi-nee, you're home again!" The two girls said, holding him tighter. After several long minutes of sniffling and wiping tears, the strange family pulled apart. When Ichigo got a better look at his family, he could tell they weren't quite the same. Their appearances hadn't changed too much in the past year. But Karin had dark circles and she wasn't wearing a baseball cap. Her shoes didn't even look the slightest bit dirty. Ichigo suspected she hadn't played in awhile. Yuzu was different too. Instead of laugh lines, worry lines had started to show. Her whole demeanor seemed different too. She didn't seem like a strangely motherly sister. She looked like she was all over the place, her normally perfect hair wasn't brushed, her clothes looked like she had worn them already that week., and she wasn't sporting her usual apron. As obvious as the changes were, his father seemed no different. Except… his eyes had a sad tinge to them that was not normal for Isshin. Ichigo looked to his father. He couldn't believe he was saying this at a time like this, but he was running out of time, and needed his father's consent for it. So with a heavy heart, Ichigo turned to his father and murmured guiltily,

"I need a favor…"

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**Hope you liked this chapter, I loved writing it. Next chapter will be a lot of action, and will clarify a few things….**


	4. Chapter 4

**Gah! I'm sorry! This is so ridiculously late; I doubt anyone's reading it anymore! SOOOOO SOOORRYYY! DX Writers block and other stuff just stopped me from writing! **

**Disclaimer:I don't own bleach. **

CHAPTER 4- FIRE

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_Time, which changes people, does not alter the image we have retained of them. ~Marcel Proust_

Rukia didn't sleep that night. Her eyes were still wide open the next morning. Her fingers wiggled nervously as she waited outside the Yamamotto's office. Finally she entered. She still couldn't believe she was going to do this.

"Yamamotto sir, I want to ask for permission to leave soul society for personal reasons. I know that is not permitted normally, but you have to allow this sir. I feel that one visit to the human world will improve my ability to perform my job."

"Very well Rukia. I will consider your request. Come back tomorrow for my response." Rukia felt sweat drip down her back. This wasn't right. This wasn't what she wanted. She had to leave today. She couldn't wait.

"Sir-" Yamamotto put up his hand to stop her.

"Tomorrow Kuchiki fuku-taicho. You'll have to return-."

"Old man Yama! Couldn't you find it in your heart to let the little lady go?" Kyoraku saved Rukia with a pout. Rukia thanked her lucky stars that the strange captain just happened to show up. He had helped her more than he knew. "You want some closure, don't you Rukia? That's fine. I'm glad you decided to do this." Rukia nodded and felt guilty for lying. This was the last time she would see any of them.

"I suppose Rukia can go. I have to ask you to go quickly though. You are a lieutenant now. The soul society needs you around."

"Of course sir. I just want to say my… goodbyes to the Kurosaki family." With that Rukia made her way to the thirteenth division barracks. Ukitake was sitting in his office, a hand over his mouth, covering a cough.

"Captain? Can I talk to you for a minute?" She felt even guiltier. She was a terrible lieutenant. Her captain was getting worse, and she hadn't even noticed. Even worse, she was planning on abandoning the whole divisions for her own selfish reasons. A lump formed in her throat. She was becoming a criminal.

"Of course Rukia!" He looked surprised to see her. No wonder, she never came over to have tea anymore. They hadn't talked in… months probably.

"I just came to say goodbye. I'm going to the human world for a little bit." Rukia thought for a minute. What had Kyoraku said? Oh yes. "I need some closure…. I'm going to go visit Ichigo's family." Ukitake looked at her with a bittersweet smile on his face.

"I'm glad. You take however long you need. We'll be fine here by ourselves for awhile." Rukia couldn't help but wonder if that extended to forever.

"Thanks captain." Rukia sat there for a few minutes, enjoy her last bit of time with her captain. As she watched him write, she tried to forget about everything, and just listen to the sound of his brush on the paper. Finally she forced herself to get to her feet. "Goodbye… Ukitake." Ukitake blinked at her, surprised. She was always way to formal. He didn't know what had happened, but there was something different in her eyes.

"Bye Rukia." He said and tried to pretend he didn't see tears in the corners of her eyes. He felt bad for Rukia. He knew that Ichigo's death had affected her in more ways than one. He hoped this trip would bring the old Rukia back.

As Rukia stood in front of the Kurosaki's household in a gigai, a thousand memories filled her. She felt a sudden urge to sneak into Ichigo's old room and curl up in the closet. Isshin came out onto the porch and greeted her with a bear hug.

"My third daughter has returned!" Rukia let out a tiny laugh at his usual greeting for her.

"It's good to be back." She murmured. She sat at the kitchen table and Karin and Yuzu joined her. No one said anything though. Everyone was waiting. Finally he came. Rukia felt an explosion of hollow-like Reiatsu. That was her cue. She slipped on a thin grey bracelet and felt her own Reiatsu dissipate around her.

"Get going Rukia." Karin reassured her. Rukia nodded nervously and ran outside to stand beside Ichigo.

"Ready?" He asked, staring down at her with soulful brown eyes.

She thought about what old Rukia would say. "Course I am stupid Strawberry." Ichigo smiled in response, and scooped her up. He slipped on his own grey bracelet and took off. Rukia caught herself staring up at sharp angle of Ichigo's jaw. In her defense, there was really nothing else to look at. She tried to see where they were going by focusing on the colors flying by her face, but Ichigo was going way too fast. She went to ask him where they were going, but stopped herself when she saw his focused expression. Finally he stopped. She looked around at her surrounding's. They were in a city…

"New York? Why New York?" She asked, her eyes on a loose newspaper. Ichigo set her down gently.

"I already have a house set up here." Ichigo said, leading her toward an apartment. It wasn't what you'd call a four star, but its grime looked contained at least. Rukia followed him up three flights of stairs. They came to a stop at a door that read 312. Ichigo pulled a key out of his uniform and let them in. "Here we are." He joked and locked the door behind them. The kitchen was small, but it had pretty brown counters. There was only one room, probably because Ichigo wasn't expecting Rukia to tag along.

"Okay, I gotta go get our new gigai's from Urahara, you wait here."

"Why don't I come with you?" She asked, a little insulted. He didn't have to protect her all the time. She wasn't going to break if she stepped outside.

"No offense, but I'm better at controlling my Reiatsu, and I can go faster."

"You are not better at hiding your Reiatsu-." She cut herself off. He _was_ better. She couldn't feel anything more then that of a regular soul coming from him. "When did you…"

"I've been able to hide my Reiatsu for awhile now. Urahara taught me about a year and a half ago. My Reiatsu was only getting stronger, and it started to knock random people out. Kisuke told me I could control myself, but it would be difficult. I had to try of course, and after three months of training, I had it down pat." He explained.

"Fine." She huffed. He smirked and left without another word. She sighed and settled on the only bed. An ugly cover with a strange sequin pattern covered it. It didn't match the grey walls at all. Rukia couldn't fathom who would put puke yellow and grey together. She rolled off the bed and wandered into the kitchen. At least there was no yellow there.

As she walked past the microwave she saw her own reflection. Her eyes looked dead again. She tilted her head and forced a smile. Seeing herself now… she looked like an empty doll, even to herself. Her smile twisted into a scowl. Even knowing Ichigo was alive didn't fix her. He couldn't undo all that lost time. Just like before, she turned her pain into anger to protect herself. She grabbed the microwave door handle and pulled it open with way too much force. The door slammed against the counter and shattered into a hundred pieces. The whole apartment suddenly felt very hot. She had to get out of there. She ran down all the stairs out of the building and relished in the feeling of a breeze on her face. She leaned against a lamppost. Ichigo would probably get mad at her for leaving the apartment. Shouldn't Ichigo be back by now? She wondered. A whiny bark came from below her. Confused, and a little shocked, she looked in between her legs and found a little black dog there. It had long curly hair that felt soft under her fingers. She picked it up easily; it didn't weigh much at all.

"You cold?" She asked the little thing. It responded with a bark. Then it proceeded to thoroughly wash her face with its tongue. She laughed and marveled in the sound. Maybe she had finally worn out all her anger. At that moment she just wanted to sleep. She carried the dog up with her into the apartment. She still had a soft spot for animals apparently. She snuggled into the ugly yellow covers with the dog beside her. She fell asleep assuring herself that Ichigo would be back in the morning.

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**Christmas break is coming soon, so I'll probably write a lot… hopefully.**

**~Draya**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi. This was a quick update! YAY! Anyway, I hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own bleach at all.**

CHAPTER 5- MADNESS 

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_ "Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty."_ _~Stephen King_

Rukia woke up because of a freezing wet thing on her face. She moaned and pushed the thing away. The thing whined pitifully. Rukia gave up and woke up. The dog was sitting on her stomach. He barked in her face and bit at her clothes.

"Okay! Okay! Are you hungry or something? Just give me a minute!" Rukia padded into the kitchen, the dog following behind, still biting at her clothes. She growled under her breath, and pushed the dog off her pajama's. She felt irritated today. Ichigo still wasn't back, and the more she tried to deny the aching horror that he was dead, the more her heart broke. A shard of glass lodged in her foot when she walked across the kitchen. She fell to the ground, and clutched her foot. Blood slid down the sole of her foot and dripped onto the floor. She started to cry silently. Where was Ichigo? The dog licked at her wound and whimpered. She wasn't sure why, but suddenly she felt like she should talk, like she should explain herself to the dog.

"He… If he's dead… he can't be… he can't do this to me again!" She smashed her fist against the floor. "I was so… alone. I just wanted… I just wanted my happy ending. I just wanted… I wanted to love someone and… and… I wanted them to live. Is that so much to ask? They don't even have to love me back! I just want them to be okay!" He voice broke off and turned into sobs. The dog stared up at her with large eyes and nuzzled into her neck. She sucked in a shaky breath. "I have to stay happy for Ichigo. I… It should be easy, he's back! But…" She picked the glass shard out of her foot and examined it. With a burst of rage she threw it at the cupboard and it smashed into a hundred pieces. "Maybe I'm broken beyond repair." She whispered.

She pulled herself to her feet after a few seconds, and limped to the shower. She would have to clean the wound. Ichigo _would_ be back. He had to come back. If he didn't… If he didn't… she didn't want to think about that. He _had_ to.

_ "Why? He didn't come back for you before. He didn't try to save you on that cliff. He didn't save you when your heart was dead, so what makes you think he'll come back now? Did Kaien come back? No, he didn't. And really, why should they come back for you? What makes you so special? What gives you the right to love them? You deserve nothing you are __**weak**__." _Rukia grabbed the sink for support. The voice in her head was saying horrible, terrible things. But they were all true. She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut to stop herself from crying. She finally made it into the shower.

Her face had settled into its usual mask, and she was dressed. Now came the worst part. Waiting. Waiting and waiting and waiting. It hurt her head to think about it. She made herself some tea and wiped up the blood on the kitchen floor. Then very carefully she picked up the glass. She did everything super slow, because she really didn't want to be stuck with waiting. Waiting and waiting and waiting. A headache started as she thought about it. Suddenly the dog started barking. Then he was growling and biting at her legs.

"WHAT?" She hissed. There was a bang at the door. Not the knocking sort of bang. The 'I'm breaking your door down' sort of bang. Rukia looked down at the dog. It looked back up at her, and she swore she saw a worried look in its eyes. She focused and realized she could feel faint spiritual energy on the other side of the door.

"Rukia? Rukia Kuchiki? What are you doing here? This isn't your division." Rukia froze. He must have seen her when she went out into the street. He also must not have known she was 'dead'. She gulped and tried to think of some reason. But even if she did, when the soul reaper found out she was 'dead' he would report seeing her, and their cover would be blown. But if Ichigo wasn't coming back… maybe she should go with the soul reaper. Go back to her post, keep doing her duty. It was better, wasn't it? To feel nothing at all, to keep living, keep surviving. What did feelings do for her? In the end they always destroyed her. She opened her mouth to say something, but the dog growled menacingly before she could say anything.

"Rukia? Rukia I'm coming in." The soul reaper banged against the door again, and it swung open. The dog flew at the reaper and bit his leg. Rukia blinked in surprise. That was rather unexpected. Rukia thought. The reaper tried to shake the dog off, and ended up kicking him off. Rukia picked the little thing off the floor, and hugged him to her chest.

"Sorry about that Kuchiki!" The reaper had low-level Reiatsu. Rukia could easily take him out. But then what? If she did, her Reiatsu would be seen by the soul society, and her cover would be blown. But it was blown already, wasn't it? She couldn't think of what to do, so she just stood there and said nothing. A loud crash followed by shattering glass filled the air. Rukia turned around, hoping it was Ichigo. Kisuke stood at the smashed window alone.

"Urahara! Where's Ichigo?" She wasn't sure he wanted to hear his answer. Kisuke laughed.

"He's right there!" He exclaimed, pointing his cane at her chest. Rukia looked down to the little dog. She couldn't believe it. But that meant he had heard everything she was trying to hide.

"Ichigo Kurosaki? He's dead!" The confused soul reaper looked between Kisuke and Rukia incredulously.

"Oh yes. We'll have to deal with this one won't we Rukia?" Kisuke said with a crazy laugh.

"Deal with- what the hell are you talking about?" He turned pale.

"Yeah, what are you talking about Urahara?" Rukia tried to ignore the fact that she was holding Ichigo in her arms, and he was a dog, and he had just spend the night in her bed with her, and he was a _dog_. She could consider that later.

"He can help further my research!" Kisuke slid a step closer to the reaper. Rukia shivered.

"Urahara you can't experiment on random people! We should go back to the soul society!" Ichigo licked her arm reassuringly. Well, it was supposed to be reassuring. Instead it freaked Rukia out. She shouted and dropped the dog- Ichigo. Ichigo ran over to Urahara and growled.

"Who's a good boy? Good boy!" Urahara teased and tried to scratch Ichigo under his chin. Ichigo snapped at his fingers. "Bad boy! No treats for you!" Kisuke laughed. Rukia wondered what was going on around her. Her life really didn't make sense.

"What is going on?" The reaper cried. Kisuke's smiled disappeared. He walked over the reaper and started chanting a kido Rukia didn't recognize. The reaper got a blank look and slumped to the ground.

"What did you do to him?" Rukia ran over to him.

"Don't worry, he's alive. He won't remember any of this though." Kisuke wiped his hands together happily.

"What did you do to Ichigo?" Rukia asked accusingly.

"What did _I_ do? I did nothing. It wasn't my fault Ichigo took the wrong soul candy." Ichigo hung his tail in shame.

"Can you change him back?" Rukia watched Ichigo sniff around from the corner of her eye.

"Yesssss. But isn't he cuter this way, isn't he?" Ichigo growled in response.

"Just change him back, will you?" Rukia walked back into her room. She really hoped Ichigo wouldn't remember anything she said. A minute later she heard Ichigo's voice in the other room. She sat down on the bed and held the blanket tightly. Someone tapped her on the shoulder. It was Ichigo.

"Rukia we need to talk." His voice sounded huskier than usual. Rukia's heart clenched with guilt. She didn't mean to hurt him.

"You were gone! You were… you were… dead. I was alone! Alone Ichigo! I didn't want you to be dead again!" She bit her lip so hard it drew blood. Ichigo reached out to touch her shoulder. She moved away. "Forget it." She walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.

"_See how __**weak**__ you are? You couldn't even protect him from yourself." _Rukia turned away from her reflection. Why wouldn't it just shut up?

"Rukia, please, can we just talk?" Ichigo knocked on the door. His hand froze mid knock when he heard a familiar voice. A voice he really, really didn't want to hear.

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**Tell me what you think! ~Draya**


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